Today: a “troubling new front” in the “battle of the sexes”, so says an investigation in the Daily Mail newspaper. Dan Short, 50, has bravely spoken out about the “drastic action” he and other white, middle-aged divorcees (“Steve” and “Martin”) are forced to take in their romantic lives. “Baby-hungry single women”, they plead, are desperately “hunting” them down. “They need to cram in a baby before it’s too late,” yowls Steve McLaren, a 41-year-old physiotherapist from Newcastle, who still gels his hair up into a curious point with a bit of Vo5.
As a result, these three men say they’ve been forced to “take back control” from “predatory” women by undergoing vasectomies. The alternative – the burden of unending fertility, which the newspaper says makes men “vulnerable” – renders the dating pool a “terrifying” place for men of McLaren’s calibre, he explains, slicking down his wet-look suit.
The three men paint a dismal picture of modern manhood: irresistible, yes, but targeted, hunted, manipulated, vulnerable
For Dan, an equally harrowing tale. “Three months into a fledgling relationship,” today’s piece opens, “Dan Short was in bed with his attractive, much younger partner when she whispered a proposal that punctured the mood.” Sexy time ruined, Dan he found himself in a quandary. His very attractive, very young (30-something) fling had asked whether they should use contraception. And with that, a few weeks later – despite Dan’s admission that “I was punching well above my weight!” – the fling was flung.
Martin Thomas, 42, was “scared to death” of “being lied to by women taking the pill.” “While women always tell you what you want to want to hear,” (naturally, Martin), “every man knows of another chap who has received the dreaded ‘Darling, I don’t know what happened, but guess what? We’re having a baby!’” he told the Mail.
It might sound dramatic, the author explains, without irony, but you’d be mistaken for thinking that this is an issue that only the first three plonkers the paper came across are facing. Rather, the pack of baby-hungry beasts are after many “other divorced dads dating childless younger women”. (It might sound “arrogant”, but Dan – who really puts the “short” in shortcomings – claims that dating younger women “is very easy for men like me”.)
The three babes paint a painful picture of modern manhood: irresistible, yes, but targeted, hunted, manipulated, vulnerable. Forced to take responsibility for their own sexual health, against their will.
But yeah. We’re the snowflakes.