It’s late. You’re drunk. Possibly very drunk. Maybe you had a bad date – not so bad that you’d write a 3,000 word blog about it being the worst night of your life, but still pretty shitty. And it’s about to get even worse. The dress you’re wearing? You appear to be stuck in it. Can’t. Get. It. Off. The zip is stiff, and since you are not (the last time you checked) an octopus, your normal, human-length arms preclude you from exerting the necessary reach required to ease yourself out. There’s nothing else for it. You’ll have to sleep in it.
We’ve all been there. A friend of a friend once slept in her over-the-knee boots after failing to hoick them off after a party. I almost slept in my right welly last month, after it refused to come loose from my leg. If my husband hadn’t come home I don’t know what I’d have done. Possibly, I’d have posted the hilarious tale on Instagram. Though possibly not if I was, like, a famous actress with two Oscars and a successful 58-year career. Definitely not if I was actual, real-life Jane Fonda.
In further evidence that Fonda, 80, is the bossest of boss-ladies in Bossland, it recently surfaced that, after a red carpet event at the end of last year, she slept in her gown after being unable to remove it. “Here’s me the next morning,” she posted on Instagram. “I couldn’t get my dress unzipped so I slept in it... Never wanted a husband in my life until now.”
At this point, in the interests of rigorously trying not to spread #fakenews, it should be pointed out that the picture was posted by an account called @janefondaofficial (6,598 followers). This account does not have the blue tick that denotes the account has been verified by Instagram as being Jane Fonda’s. Whereas the account @janefonda (114k followers) does. Which presumably explains why the story has only just come to light, despite the pic being posted in November. What to make of this intrigue? Does Jane Fonda have two accounts? And if @janefondaofficial isn’t hers, then who the heck has access to such a personal, and seemingly genuine, photo?
This is, basically, the best post ever: a welcome, kick-ass antidote to all the images of perfection floating around on social media
Assuming that it is hers, and that nobody went to the bother of sourcing an identical dress and Photoshopping an impression of Jane Fonda’s face the morning after the night before on top of it (we live in strange times. But surely not *that* strange), then this is, basically, the best post ever – a welcome, kick-ass antidote to all the images of perfection floating around on social media. Other than the tiny concession of having removed her earrings (and, presumably, her shoes), Fonda looked like a 9am version of her polished self, from her deflated hair to her face now devoid of make-up. And, while she shows the flipside of living alone – nobody to undo your zip of an evening – at least she has a laugh about it. "You are a single woman’s inspiration! Cheers to the nights we can’t remember in the dresses we can’t take off!" one woman commented.
Just when we were worried that Fonda had been doomed to wear her black lace dress for all eternity, she popped up in New York, being interviewed on AOL’s BUILD Series wearing a black shirt that looked to embody far easier exit strategies. But wait: now what? A weird plaster on her lip? An injury sustained while finally getting the black lace dress off, perhaps? “I just want to explain the bandage,” she told the audience. “I just had a cancer taken from my lip. I thought it was going to heal in time before I came before you, but it’s fine. I don’t normally go around like this. The world is falling apart. What’s a lip, right?”
Jane Fonda: dismantling the idea of Hollywood / female perfection, one fabulous example at a time. What a queen.